:standing ovation: beyonder sama, this is lovely. i really mean it. i suggest you make the words ryme just a bit more, and submit it to a fundraiser somewhere. it is really good (im not just saying that)

crit:
*well, this is the first time im actually critiquing a poem, so bear wth me darling ~
"if you have both THE stomach and THE heart"
i think that you should take the 'THE's out of here. i understand what your trying to say, about having ..m..ENOUGH stomach or heart do help, but it just sounds a whole lot better (to me) without the 'thes

"if you have both stomach and heart,
Help these people"
whatcha think? just a suggestiong

*m..on a nitpicky note..i think that it should be a period instead of a comma in the third passage
"... prized and treasured(.)" because the next point starts talking about values that ties in, but maybe should be a diff sentence

* "
crime a basic way of life " i think that you should make the point a bit stronger, because..well..in poverty, crime is a HUGE part of life. i think a simple period after 'crime' should do the trick

"Crime. A basic way of life:"

i hope you acknoledge these minor changes that i brought up^^ of course you dun have to change the poem, i just thought that id point out those like 2 things for tweaking. like i said, this is really wonderful. if you make the words ryhme just a bit more, you really should send it to a fundraiser for the needy. its very very good ^^

keep up the wonderful work acarne sama~!

--
"Love is that fickle thing that always manages to slip its meaning right through your fingers"

~rik ~

Indeed a moving piece. I like the "Madness cannot....even worse" bit especially. Very vivid.

--
>'-'<~ Ah, the power of !